i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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