Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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