He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
