its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
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