I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
The beer is more important than you right now.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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