apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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