none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Randomize
