Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Randomize
