Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
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My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
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I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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