I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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