I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
