haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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