she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
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