I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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