Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Plan B is the new Plan A
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
