FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
