He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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