i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
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I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
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I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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