Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
