you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
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If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
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Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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