Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
