my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
