All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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