During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
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