remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
