i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
