Where did you get a picture of my penis
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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