woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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