I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
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Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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