craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
