I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Randomize
