Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
