i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Randomize
