State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Randomize
