At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize