i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
