Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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