A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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