Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
