when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
