it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
