If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
