why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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