Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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