how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
