haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
