forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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