You just made me feel so damn special
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
