"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
