Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
