listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
