This is not my ceiling
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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