youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
