this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
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I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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