Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
