I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
