It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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