just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I would fuck him just for his dog
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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