Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
