Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
